Being pregnant is not the easiest thing in the word, neither for women not for men. Outsiders are usually aware of the hard time women have to go through while pregnant but what most people are unaware of is that the same period can be a really hard time for men too, but I will try to explain myself.
It all started like in a fairy tale when my girlfriend told me about her pregnancy, we were both extremely happy and couldn’t hold it as the doctors advised us “for at least 12 weeks”. We started phoning up friends and relatives and the party got bigger and bigger. So excited we were that we thought to start recording all our beautiful thoughts and idyllic pictures our riding imagination was creating with the speed of light!
Once the first month was over things started changing slightly. Rational thoughts started coming in my mind as I was trying to plan the next year including all those activities I was used to have in my mind: planning a trip to the Canary islands to practice free diving, planning a trip to India to feel the different spiritual energy if its people , trying to find out when I could have the chance to fly to Bahia and practice Capoeira etc. What I found very annoying was that all those thoughts were ending in a rather unexpected way as my mind was treating them as completely unrealistic. The rationale behind that was always the same: what is my girlfriend going to think if I dare to share any of these thought with her while she’s going through that big change?
Dealing with the loss of that sort of ‘forbidden’ thoughts was not easy but then as the pregnancy was progressing new conditions were introduced we both would have to cope with. We both knew about morning sickness during the first few months but no one had told us about all day sickness, low moods followed by panic and non stop crying in the middle of the night. We reached the point that she should stay at home all the time as it was impossible to go to work due to fatigue and all day sickness.
To make things worse, another element of madness was introduced: that of non existing odours that would annoy her so much that she would wake up in the middle of the night to wash the “smelly” curtains that were brand new and they didn’t smell anything else apart from the smell of cotton. Other peculiarities involved food preferences so one day she could only eat meat and nothing else (although a vegetarian!) and the next she wouldn’t like to see any meat even in the fridge as it was making her sick! Any attempt to explain that it was just the hormones causing all that would end up being totally unsuccessful as I was criticised as being unable to “understand”.
Four months after it all started I decided to reflect on the changes and I was amazed by how many things had changed in the course of the previous months. First of all, I would have to wake up early in the morning to prepare the breakfast and make sure I would leave early enough to be on time at work. Then, on my way home I would do all the shopping, going straight back home to cook for both of us, do the washing up, clean the flat, wash and dry our clothes and then do a bit of free-lance work to balance the money loss of my girlfriend being unable to go to work as she used to. Seeing my friends sounded like a “joke” as I literally had no time or energy for that.
What was tragic though was the fact that I felt so alone in all that as people tend to pay attention just to the one who’s putting on weight and not to the other one who’s carrying all that other weight. I hope that things will change in a few months but my initial joy has definitely being replaced by great concern and uncertainty. I hope that the reward will pay back for all that. I’m even thinking of writing a book about “how to deal with your partner being pregnant” as I couldn’t find any book for me among the hundreds written about pregnancy… And then, browsing any of those books I wonder how come all those future dads appearing in the photos having those huge smiles…
Modi is a keen internet marketer representing a gift vouchers company. He knows what it is like to be made redundant and how settling for second best in your mind is sometimes the right thing to do.
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